Rethinking...

Does the rain backdrop make this look depressing? Didn't mean for that...I just love rain...
"can you feel the rain?"
"Rain...I can feel it on my fingertips..."
nothing beats the sound of raindrops hitting the window...so relaxing...

okay, so re-thinking this blog.
I want to write about things that may be relevant to other people...My mommy experiences? it just seems like there are so many mommy blogs already. My experience working as a nurse? feel too new in my career to be writing about that...
hmmm...so re-thinking it that's all.

in the meanwhile...we're taking a road trip! Excited! Not sure what to pack for the kids...How comfortable with a 3 year old and a 1 year old be in a car for 9 hours? yikes! Planning on lots of stops along the way...we're going to NYC! :)
Not sure if its too early for video games (although my 3 year old is already obsessed with racing car games on his uncle's i-phone). Wish us luck...I know there is a limit to how many times I can listen to Elmo in the car or nursery rhymes...
we're making the mistake (not my idea!) of taking people along with the four of us...this should be interesting...I'm hoping they don't take this experience as 'birth control' :) hehe..

The beginning...

I always thought I should write.
I wanted to write for a magazine, one about health.
I've always wanted to publish something. I wonder how many bloggers do it for this same reason? To be able to put their thoughts 'out there'...
I wonder if it'll matter if anyone reads it. I wonder if i'll stop blogging as soon as I realize there is no 'real' audience to this, is there?
I wonder if I really want an audience???
Do I just want to see my own words staring back at me? then why blog? why not journal? I don't know.

hmmm...what's the point of this? I was thinking to put 'out there' my thoughts about things as they happen in my life. I could have done this through the very troubling parts and I think it would have helped....but i didn't. I hope all the hurt and pain is behind me now. I want this to be a way i find balance in my own life. There are so many things to juggle all the time. I know lots of people do it...but it doesn't seem easy.

Here I am coming off my second mat leave! More in love with my kids than ever...not wanting to leave them in the care of neglectful (by my standards) in laws or to strangers as my own family cannot... No option to work part-time...or at least with greater flexibility. The guilt! I can't work full time...makes me feel like i'm putting money and comfort first. I do have a husband who works...but with all the responsibilities (in laws, their home, our home etc) something's going to give. Its always me. I have to figure out a way to quiet that voice inside yelling at me about having kids and not being able to raise them myself.

Birthday parties coming up...how do you throw a joint party and still make each child feel like its there special day?