I always thought I should write.
I wanted to write for a magazine, one about health.
I've always wanted to publish something. I wonder how many bloggers do it for this same reason? To be able to put their thoughts 'out there'...
I wonder if it'll matter if anyone reads it. I wonder if i'll stop blogging as soon as I realize there is no 'real' audience to this, is there?
I wonder if I really want an audience???
Do I just want to see my own words staring back at me? then why blog? why not journal? I don't know.
hmmm...what's the point of this? I was thinking to put 'out there' my thoughts about things as they happen in my life. I could have done this through the very troubling parts and I think it would have helped....but i didn't. I hope all the hurt and pain is behind me now. I want this to be a way i find balance in my own life. There are so many things to juggle all the time. I know lots of people do it...but it doesn't seem easy.
Here I am coming off my second mat leave! More in love with my kids than ever...not wanting to leave them in the care of neglectful (by my standards) in laws or to strangers as my own family cannot... No option to work part-time...or at least with greater flexibility. The guilt! I can't work full time...makes me feel like i'm putting money and comfort first. I do have a husband who works...but with all the responsibilities (in laws, their home, our home etc) something's going to give. Its always me. I have to figure out a way to quiet that voice inside yelling at me about having kids and not being able to raise them myself.
Birthday parties coming up...how do you throw a joint party and still make each child feel like its there special day?
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